COSMIC SUCKS

Cosmic is just a fancy name for downtempo Psy-trance

"Cosmic this"-"Comsic that!"... Baldelli oooh Baldelli aaah

i am getting fed up with all this cosmic bullshit, first of all because
 nobody really knows what the hell cosmic is in the first place...

Except for me. yes because I know.... Cosmic is the predecessor of
GOA & PSY TRANCE...yes thats right you fucking dumb-ass cosmic hipster,
I bet you didn't know that! Just listen to a shit band like Sphongle...
pitched down slow goa trance chill out music for drugmuppets...
what does it sound like? Yes like your stupid COSMIC crap!
So what do you get when you speed up Cosmic...yes PSYTRANCE!!!

The worst thing is that all these drugmuppet hipster kids think they
KNOW everything about COSMIC music and start throwing their own cosmic
parties(either in L.A or London most of the time!) and most stupidest
of all start COSMIC blogs. Full of cosmic bullshit and cosmic facts.
They make them so they can show off their stupid COSMIC knowledge....
and hopefully become cosmic superstar DJ's (fat chance!!!).
Most of the time it consists of the following bullshit:

Posting rare MP3s
"HEY LOOK AT THIS ULTRA RARE RECORD I FOUND - YES I -ME-  I FOUND IT AND I
AM SHARING IT WITH YOU ON MY BLOG BECAUSE I AM A PROFESSOR OF COSMIC MUSIC
ARCHEAOLOGY AND  i also have SUPER TASTE (and a recordplayer) Well hooray!
that is really great, because you were probably listening to 2 step garage or
playing drums in a COLLEGE ROCK band 3 years ago before you read about
this new ultra hip cosmic thing.
And what is all this shit with these talentless fucks getting credit for
discovering tracks?????????

Make stupid old pop songs into cosmic classics:
If you can't find a super rare record you can make everything cosmic: some
TOP 40 Phill Collins, Chris Rea B-side tracks from 1981.....if it has a
drummachine, some synths, if you pitch it down...YEAH ITS TOTALLY COSMIC!
Wait...you can even make an EDIT of it!!! (See below...The next level of a
Cosmic hipster)
The worst example of a crap-old top-40 number-1 hit made a  cosmic-classic
   ever     must be NOVA - AURORA...that song makes you puke!!!

Stupid interviews with nobody cosmic DJs:
What can you do to make your fucking stupid cosmic site/blog stand out,
yes an exclusive interview !
And you stupid fuck can't interview Baldelli for the 2000th time and all
the rest of these cosmic legends died from drug overdose so who can you
interivew????.......another cosmic hipster idiot DJ! Yes another fucking
lame ass like you that doesn't know shit about cosmic, another wanker that
was in some stupid alternative college rock band 3 years ago and now
thinks he is the PROFESSOR OF COSMIC MUSIC.

this how such an interview usually goes:

Q so hey...,how did you start DJing cosmic...dude?

A: welllll when i was a young kid I started experimenting with tape decks
and recording sounds and my parents record collection BLAHBLAHBLAHABALA

Well you get the picture...just pure piss ass cliche crap!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwnnn

The next level of a Cosmic hipster:

Cosmic hipsters are talentless fucks that are too lazy and too dumb to
make their own music. So what they do is make the lowest of the lowest
form of music: EDITS. yes edits..they take an old record, or usually they
just download an MP3...and start rearranging parts of it in a sound edit
program.
Most of the time they use the excuse of that it will make the track better
for dancing and mixing....
Maybe you should realize that if you can't mix it in the original version
you are probably a shit-ass DJ in the first place!

If that is not stupid enough already, the next level of lameness is to
claim their name to the edit (and song) and sometimes just not even
mentioning the original artist.

-so DJ Lame-ass downloaded an MP3 of a track called Bondabobo - Blue Moon
Ocean:

so BONDABOBO (that would be the band name) - "BLUE MOON OCEAN" (that would
be the title of the track) becomes BLUE MOON OCEAN (DJ LAME-ASS EDIT)

or even worse they hussle the name around...to be extra mysterious or just
to be extra...tadddaaa "COSMIC"...it becomes something like:

OCEAN BLUES (DJ LAME-ASS DEEP MOON EDIT)...

If this ain't too emberassing enough already they can take it a step
further even...

They can release their edit on a BOOTLEG vinyl record...yes they steal and
edit a track, claim its theirs and then fucking release it on a vinyl
bootleg to get ultra self-satisfaction and prove they are the ultmate
egocentric pricks! Ofcourse most people are stupid and actually think they
made the music on the record and that they are actually TALENTED....but
its all just LIES AND A BIG FACADE!

and that is what COSMIC MUSIC is....a giant bunch of facade bullshit so
these fake untalented drugmuppets can pretend they are something hot...

Col. Norbert